Post Script – Forgiving Dad

July 24, 2011 Cherie Bombell 7 comments

The alcohol is what actually killed my Dad. He died from cirrhosis of the liver. He was only 46 yrs old. Ya know, Mom told me his landlady (in Chicago) told her that just a few nights before he died she’d seen him sitting out on the stairs crying. He told her he just wanted to see his daughter and his daughter’s mother again. That never happened. It’s funny, I can remember folks at the funeral home saying, “Only 46 years old!! He was so young!!” And all I could think of was, “46 yrs. old? YOUNG? Sure seems old to me.” Of course, I was only 15 so it sure sounded old. Now, at 72, I realise, boy, he really was young!

You know, it took me over 65 years to forgive that man but I finally have. I remember one time when he was sitting in his bed reading the Sunday newspaper. He asked me to come sit down on the bed next to him and then him reaching over and trying to touch my privates. I think I told my Mom about that, but besides her, I’ve never told another single soul.

I’ll tell you another story about him too. One night not to long after I’d been released from Geneva, I was at the laundry mat pulling clothes out of the dryer when the big front door swung open by itself. I was the only person there. It was late and I was covered in goose bumps when that door opened. I could sense my Dad’s presence. I was SO scared I just threw the clothes in the basket without folding them and hurried out to my car and took off for home. (I had my own car then and was working at G.E.) When I got home I went quickly to my Mom’s room and got in bed with her and pulled up the cover over my face as I could still feel him around me. I started saying over and over and over, “Leave me ALONE!!! I HATE you!!! Stay away from me!!!” Then, do you know, I felt him bending over to me, kiss my cheek and POOF! he was gone! I never felt his presence again….ever.

Isn’t that the weirdest thing? It’s true tho. I never talked about that incident to anyone, not even my Mom. I figured she’d think I’d lost it and was going nuts. But as God is my judge, that’s the honest to God TRUTH! I couldn’t SEE him, but I knew he was standing there. OMG, talk about freaking out! So anyway, I finally after 60 years or so, told him out loud that I loved him and totally forgave him. And I do.

#1 | Written by Marilyn Brandt on April 16, 2012. Reply

Brenda,…and,..Cherie,…first,and foremost,id like to sincerly,apolige to you both,for ignoreing your e-mails etc. Seeing the picture of Geneva,…the good one with the parking lot, etc,has had such,…. a PROFOUND,,affect,on me so,.. much so…i cant even put into words. I cant tell you the times ive just sat and stared at that picture,..remembering,every detail in it.and,..heres the really wierd part,just longing,to be able to “jump in that picture”,and go back,in time,once,again. I,KNOW,..the reason is because ,when that picture was taken,..i was there,..”somewhere on those grounds”,and my Mother was still alive ..and back in Danville,..and,.etc etc,and then severl times i had this one t v channel,on,at night,advertizing cds for sale from the 50s,and playing all those populer songs from back then (like the Platters,..Beachboys,etc.) and omgggggg!! For the STRANGEST, reason,…probbally noone could explain..i just longed to go back….in time,..for ONE MORE CHANCE,… now ill probbally never hear from either of yas as yer gonna think “ive lost it”…and ive gone phyco,..lol..i asure,you i wasnt to sure i hadnt,..my own damn self! SOOOOOOOOO.many memorys,come flooding back,when i see the Girls School,..and yes i realize its tore down and gone,now but that picture,of it, will be imbedded in my mind,forever. Its just sooo,realist,to me..”WHEW!!”…..so yes,..you guys,…you are definetly,right about,how that place,had a profound perment affect,on all ever confinded in it,…because after all,these yrs., it just seems like it was yesterday that i was there,…and still,remember every,single bulding,Matron,…job,..even the smell,of the different food,being prepared..the cematary..everything. Why ANYONE,..would EVER want to build thier home,on that same property,is beyond reasoning,..to me i wonder..if,they can ever feel,the heartache,and termal,..that went on,beneth thier “expensive” big fancy homes..but,on second thought,..they probbally dont even care,..only thing i can ,and will,say is..i wouldnt live there,if they GAVE me the house,..theres just some,things that linger…forever.
- #2 | Written by Cherie Bombell on April 21, 2012. Reply
  
  Marilyn! It’s so good to hear from you. Brenda and I feared the worst. I’m so glad you are well and still kicking. Your comment is written with such emotion – it helps convey to those of us that weren’t locked up, the long-lasting impact of your experience. Would love to hear from you via email for a real catch-up on how you are and what’s going on. Take care and please keep in touch. We have worried. xx
- #3 | Written by Brenda on April 23, 2012. Reply
  
  Marilyn, I’m so glad to hear you are still with us like Cherie said we did think the worse. The school is gone, but the memories aren’t for most of us. I love to continue keeping in touch via e-mail.
#4 | Written by Brenda on July 31, 2011. Reply

Marilyn, when I look back now I am so thankful for being born. All the abuse and unhappiness I experienced as a child was unfortunate but it has brought me to where I am now in life and I couldn’t be happier!

Life was hard for me too after I left Geneva. I married my high school sweetheart and he was killed at 30. I was alone with two babies, no money, no job and my in laws was selling the house we lived in.

Giving up was not an option for me the fight for a better life for me and my kids had only begun.

I went back to school got my nursing degree bought a cute little home and saved every penny I could.

One day I announced to the kids we were sellling the house and moving to Arizona, why Arizona I have no idea we didn’t know a soul here.

That was over twenty years ago and I haven’t looked back. Both my kids are college graduates thriving in their lives and they never caused me a minutes trouble growing up. I have an amazing grandson who I adore. I remarried after my kids were on their own to a wonderful, supportive man and retired as a nurse only to return to the profession this time as a school nurse.

One never knows where the road of life will lead lead us sometimes it begins very bumpy then smooths out the further we go. I was fortunate!

Blessing,
Brenda
#5 | Written by Marilyn Brandt on July 30, 2011. Reply

Hi,Brenda!!,…im not a “computer whizz” lol,…..so,it took me awhile,to find your comment,…………i KNEW,i had read one,from you, but couldnt remember where it was!! duhhhhh lol Anyway Brenda,i think a lot of that coldheartness,is inherited,and passed down,tho the generations,i swear,i do.You,know..back in the day,girls that got pregnant at a young age,…..didnt know,hardly,where to turn,especially,if they never had the support of thier parents,..or parent,which ever one they had,because abortion,wasnt legal,and im sure,finding a docter that would even preform one,was far and few,between….and probbally charged a fortune to do it. Sooooo,…….unless they were rich,and had very supportive parents,.they had no choice than to just have the baby.They also,never had any birth control,like they do now.Now,i dont know if your mom,fell in this catagory or not,..but,it sounds to me,like she resented you kids..like it was YOUR FAULT,for being born! I dont think she ever wantted kids,.thats pretty obvious,but the shame of it all,is,… how you and your siblings,did the suffering for HER damn mistakes!! Its just hard,to think some folks can be so dern coldhearted, but theres plenty out there. I know you went tho,hell hun,.as a child but i admire you so much,Brenda,for being the woman you turned out to be,…try your best,to forgive her Brenda,because God,only knows what kind of life SHE may of had that turned her out,to be the way she was…I know,thats no excuse and your the perfect example of that,..but some people,are just stronger,than others. you,are one of the strong ones hun,……..and i pray that,you will find the peace,to forgive that lady,…and maybe reamember that ol, cliche..”there,….but,for the grace,of GOD,…..go,i” and,Brenda??…thank YOU!,..for shareing,i hope we can stay,in touch,..(was that YOU, that said you live in Arizona?? thats where i,live now!!) ok,……God Bless you and yours Brenda,may you sleep,with Angels,on your pillow..Always,.Marilyn
#6 | Written by Brenda on July 25, 2011. Reply

My mother was an abusive alcoholic and to this day I can honestly say I have never met or known another person that was so heartless and evil as her and my stepfather.

In 1996 my mother died in Danville with her three sons and two daughters at her bedside, all of us strangers seeking our own personal closure to our tempestuous childhoods.

I don’t know if I have forgiven her completely or ever will but I did quit hating her and searching for the answers to why she had no remorse or conscience.

Thank you Marilyn for sharing.

Brenda
- #7 | Written by Cherie Bombell on July 27, 2011. Reply
  
  It’s amazing you became the woman you are and that you were able to forgive her, Brenda. You stopped what could have been a cycle that lasted for generations. congratulations.

Cherie Livett Bombell

Post Script – Forgiving Dad

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